Raising Children in the Age of Parental Anxiety

Apr 10

April 10, 2024

Being a parent can be extremely hard in this current day and age. We are all aware of the pressures of today’s society trying to tell us what the “perfect” child and “perfect” parent should look like. Striving to parent well can feel like an all-consuming spiral of anxiety. Throw in an increase of children’s mental health challenges, a global pandemic, and the added role that social media plays, and you can quickly find yourself fearing all of the ‘what ifs,’ paralyzed by worry.

You are not alone in these thoughts and worries.

According to a research study conducted by the Pew Research Group (Nadeem, 2023), just under half of parents feel judged by others, whether that be their partners, parents or other community members. Additionally, around 41% of parents feel that parenting is tiring and stressful (Nadeem, 2023). So, if you are impacted by the worries of parenting or can relate to someone in your life judging your choices, 40% of parents can empathize and are experiencing the same struggles.

Anxiety is a normal and common emotion, but it doesn’t just impact the person experiencing the emotion. It tends to spread to others in proximity. In sessions with my clients who are children, we often create a worry monster or a characterization of how their worry feels to them. Recently, one of my client’s was describing to me that their worry monster had babies, and that all the worry monster babies were running around and disrupting more and more of their life. This picture, though silly, is true for parental anxiety. The worry has babies that disrupt not just more of your life, but those “worry babies” also start to cling and reach to those around you. Suddenly, you may notice that you feel the entanglement of anxiety impacting your partner and your kids. This only furthers the spiral of anxiety and makes it feel ever pressing and inescapable.

In moments like these, it is important to remember that these feelings are not facts. Your worry may try to tell you that you are not doing enough, or be keeping a long list of what you think makes you a bad parent, trying to prove that anxious feeling is true. It is not true.

You are doing a wonderful job as a parent.

Sissy Goff (2023), author of The Worry-Free Parent, writes, “You worry because you care. You are conscientious. You want to be the best parent you possibly can be.” I think this statement captures the truth of the matter. You worry because you love your kids so deeply that you want to make sure they experience everything the world has to offer and they have the ability to meet the world successfully. That worry should never be met with shame. As Goff (2023) continues, she says, “But that care gets the best of you sometimes and it’s hard to turn down the volume.” This is where clinicians at Potter Counseling would love to come alongside you as you learn to turn the volume down on those worries and concerns.

There is hope that you do not have to exist in a constant state of fear and anxiety concerning your parenting. You can be in control of your worry and learn how to challenge and change anxious thoughts. You can gain the knowledge and awareness to engage coping skills such as walking, deep breathing, taking space for yourself, praying, and so many others, that will help you when anxiety and worry find their way back into your life. You can feel empowered to know yourself and know what strategies can calm you when life gets stressful.

Just as worry spreads to those around us, so do the effects of practicing calming techniques and grounding your mind. No one goes through life completely avoiding stress and anxiety, so you can become a model to your kids on how to handle stressors. By caring for yourself, you begin the process of teaching your children skills to handle life in the ups and downs and all arounds. Modeling healthy engagement with worry is an indescribable gift to yourself and to your kids .

You are doing incredible work raising smart, brave, and kind kids. It is my dearest hope that you get to feel all the joy of your job well done.

References:

Nadeem, R. (2023, May 10). Parenting in America Today: A Survey Report (2023) | Pew Research Center. Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project.

Goff, S. (2023, August 22). The Worry-Free Parent. Baker Books.

Additional Resources for Parents

Podcasts:

Books: