Play: The Natural Language of Children
Posted by: Marianna Ginn, MA, LCMHCA
What is Play Therapy?
Garry Landreth, internationally acclaimed child therapist and director of the Center for Play Therapy once said, “Toys are children’s words and play is their language.” Children often lack the emotional language to express their complex inner worlds; however, they have lots to “say” if only an adult has the tools to listen. Due to their developmental stage, children cannot be expected to communicate in the same way as adults. However, just as adults come to counseling and share their stories of anxiety, trauma, depression, and grief, children act out their pain through play. In Child-Centered Play Therapy (CCPT), the therapist creates a safe, well-attuned space for the child to process their emotions and experiences. While the focus is not on “correcting” behavior, research has demonstrated Play Therapy’s effectiveness in improving both behavioral and emotional symptoms of issues such as anxiety, depression, grief and trauma. When given the opportunity in an empathic therapeutic space, children can develop all of the following through their native language of play:
Increased self-esteem
Problem-solving skills
Emotional awareness
Relationship skills
Healthy coping mechanisms
How Does it Work?
The therapist lets the child lead play, utilizing reflections of feeling (“That doll must be sad that her friend doesn’t want to play with her” ), behavioral descriptions (“You chose to play with the blue truck”), mirroring (conveying attention through body language, etc.) and limit-setting when necessary (“I see that you want to throw that at me. You can throw the toy at the ground instead”). These techniques are designed to convey a sense of attunement, build the child’s self-esteem, increase emotional awareness and reinforce social boundaries. Children process feelings of sadness, jealousy, anger, anxiety, grief, embarrassment and so much more through play. When given the language to name these emotions, children are better equipped to cope with them in daily life.
Parental Involvement
Parents who are looking for ways to support their children’s social and emotional development are encouraged to implement a “special playtime” into their weekly routine. This is a 20 minute window in which the child leads their play, without interruptions, parent-teaching, or distractions. Some may prefer a 5- minute daily time for play. This works too! Special playtime is a wonderful way for parents and children to build a stronger bond and facilitate further growth in children. During this time, parents are encouraged to observe rather than intrude, support rather than correct, and follow rather than lead. Few things are more encouraging to a child’s sense of self-esteem and well-being than to have the full, loving attention of their parents through play.
Suggestions for “Special Playtime”
Set aside all other distractions. Your child needs to know he/she has your undivided attention.
Have a designated space in the house where play time happens each week.
Set out age-appropriate toys.
In two-parent homes, trade off who plays with the child every other week.
Set a timer or let your child set the timer. Let them know when there are 2 minutes left of play. This helps kids prepare for the upcoming transition.
Try not to ask too many questions. Questions often put the adult back in the lead, even unintentionally.
Ignore minor misbehaviors.
Don’t interfere or use this time to teach.
Mirror your child’s play. When you copy what they are doing, they will feel an increased sense of confidence.
Reflect feelings when you can. “You seem proud of that tower!”
Express delight! Your child will be thrilled to know that you are enjoying this time with them.
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